| iM B-O-R-E-D..ahhh |
[28 Apr 2002|07:05pm] |
| You are Gonzo!
You're a bit loopy, and many people have trouble figuring out exactly what you're supposed to be. You take pride in your eccentricity and originality. | |
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| Your hair is EVERYWHEEEEERE! |
[28 Apr 2002|06:49pm] |
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it is now 6:42. Im listening to German Barbie Girl. muah hahaha. Fun. Still no call from Jay since last night's disturbing phone conversation. WAT IS WRONG??? Does anyone know anything i dont know? I really dont understand. Bah. Im in a bad mood. I have been in this house a day and a half. Everyone's missing. I guess the movies were a hopeless plan. psh. This week is going to suck. Wednesday and Thursday Jay is gone with Orchestra crew in Martha's Vineyard and there will be no resolution b4 then between us. Eh. He's going to a Red Sox game tomorrow, which i was supposed to go to but because my life is so fucking BUSY and i cant fit anything in anymore cuz of softball and dance i have to cancel. er. Friday is NY day, i hope that will be fun. My mom is going ?!?!?!?.. not my decision. bah. and sunday is the walk for hunger. im missing two softball games. My coach is going to bark at me. and im screwed in every other possible way. NO MONEY NO JOB! ahhhh. Tonight isnt the night. Dave's car/van supposively was hit. =P bah. so his bumper is destroyed. But i dont know the details. Tomorrow is my dance "practice".. and i cant do neither of the dances. Watch!!! it will be the dominoe effect on stage when the recital comes along. BUMPS AND BRUISES GALORE! watch out for nitzberg. eh. ill be online later. watching 6th sense. caio
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| Do YOU like my bootay pants???? |
[28 Apr 2002|12:51am] |
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squiggies?!?!? today was fun. I got a SEMI-dress. Perty. but perty on muah? not so. HIPS!!! ahhhhh. Beware~ I got it at Arden B. A lovely store. Woo. Everyone seems to have dissappeared somewhere today/tonight. I went to see if jay was home.. heh. he wasnt. so i decided to walk to davis and check out jobs and shtuff? Successful. HAHA! no NO NOOOO. they are all going to start openings for hirings in a month or so. BAH hot potatoes. Anyways, i got home and jay was there. HI jAY! it twas weird, he wasnt in that great of a mood it appeared. He was too quite, but of course he wouldnt tell me what was the matter. I was damn aggrivated. But blah. Its not fair. its funny how the male sex get away without telling us, the ladies, whats up. eh. So he left around 7 to go to babysitting. I called him at babysitting around 10:30, because the way he was acting earlier was irking me lots! eh. he again told me that nothing was wrong and we said BYE.. two seconds later my phone rings and guess who??? santa clause.. no its him. He tells me there is stuff on his mind and blah. I guess we'll talk "later".. but we are probably not going to see each other tomorrow cuz HE has HOMEWORK!!!!!! fuck that shit yo! Anyone up for running tomorrow? la la la. im going in doubt mode. goognight kinkos!
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| Doin it and doint it and doin it WOW. I represent Queens she was raised up in BROOKLYN |
[13 Apr 2002|11:55pm] |
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O*L*D S*C*H*O*O*L
i decided i needed to change my screen name for AIM. But i dont know if it fits me yet:::
el aroticpulse
^ s?? heh. i was bored. Tonight was fun. Result-> success! I held a barbeque. The crew consisted of, Aria, jessy, alex, alexis, sarah, gab, maura, elena, amanda, nora, and in the beginning james and his stud, buff, *mathew lillard* look-alike cousin was there. o yea he was a hottie, but 2 good for us minors, except elena thought she knew what she was doing. She was trying to grace him with her *expertize* skills, which she doesnt consider flirting. HAH. o well. i have jay. although, going into this relationship, i told jay that this time will be different. THIS TIME i will not feel guilty for attempting to get a guy's SN or # if needed be towant to be friends. I came to the conclusion that i really dont have= guy friends at home. Im a loser. I dont know how to flirt either anymore. eh. o well. maybe ill just become one of those hopeless cases that needs immediate help from E! makeovers. (ive seen it b4 on TV) I feel like shit. I ate too many long and juicy ham weiners. my stomach feels wankerish. im reading a really good and horny book called, "YOUTH IN REVOLT; the journals of Nick Twisp" this is what the back of the book reads:::
YOUTH IN REVOLT is the journal of NIck Twisp, California's most precocious diarist, whose ongoing struggles to make sense out of high school, deal with his divorced parents, and lose his virginity result in his transformation from an unassuming fourteen-year-old to a modern youth in open revolt. As his family splinters, worlds collide, and the police block all routes out of town, Nick must cope with economic deprivation, homelessness, the gulag of the public schools, a competitive Type-A-Father, murderous canines (in triplicate), and an inconvenient hair trigger on his erectile response- all while vying ardently for the affections of the beauteous Sheeni Saunders, teenage goddess and ultimate intellectual goad.
sound exellent? i think so. anyhoo. im tired. goonight
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[30 Mar 2002|03:27pm] |
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im PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Did you grab me ass? |
[29 Mar 2002|11:03am] |
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Chewing almost frozen gum is impossible. This takes practice and good dental care! There is no school today. I've been waiting for this weekend for awhile now... shawing. Ma is at work, pa is in the kitchen cooking some eggs n' toast, and the 25 other members of my extended (times 2) family is upstairs. Last night was fun. it's too bad i missed alex, mo's, and alexis's prank fanale with dave and justin. Yet, i bet if i was there, i would be the first one to get bashed in the head with a metal pole. Sveet. Right now, most of my camp friends are w/ each other in Eugeeene, OR. Bah. I hope they are having a god damn fucking good time. My two cousins whom i rarely see anymore because they are older now, Ari and Dara. (Dara- 20, Ari-22) are both here. Dara brought her boy toy. heh. Ari brought his-self and some dreadlocks he has been growing for awhile. Every year i see him he is always in a new style. This year it was dreadlocks with a goattie, a weezer shirt, and kahki pants. mwa haha. I get to say he's hot because he is not exactly my blood-related cuz. =p icky. Jay is leaving foh NH taday. I guess it has been better lately. With softball and dance, there is no time to see him on weekdays, so we're not rushing into anything whatsoever. Softball is cool. Even though tammy and her women bitch are evil. They are not even that great but they think they have some power to yell at all of us for making tweeny mistakes. tammy's nicer tho. but BAH! AManda has gotten ditched TWICE thats DOS times this week, by her lover/sex boy. Hrmph. i dunt like it. Speaking of that wolfpack posse. Me, alex, rob, and his friend are going to the 311/Hoobastank concerto tomorrow night, yee-haw. me and alex are going to run off tho. using them for the ride. mwa haha. mY cousin Jake (7), he just asked me to marry him. He's adowable. Everyone is coming over again for lunch today. heh. more fun. I need MOOLAH! money. lots o' money. o crikeys. its 11AM im supposed to be asleep.
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| He called you Fruity-ASS!!!!... Boo Yah |
[24 Mar 2002|12:49am] |
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eh. im tired. Tonight was escalent. Sarah's b-day bash turned out better than expected, of course there was the obsvious kayla sulking, picking on amanda's master, and over-aggessiveness on dave's part, and of course the Germanized Barbie Girl, but i think its safe to say that is was fun. im tired now, and my feet and head hurt like 3 colliding goats. Tomorrow im thinking about going to the Beean Town Zine Town, with Jay and/or alexis or any other volunteer. velcome. im in the mood for sherbert. Which once is correct 1) Rasberry 2) Razberry 4) Razzbery or 4) Rasperry??? I have seen #4 everywhere nowadays, pronoucing it is no better than spelling it. anyvays, my brother is half dead and cocked on the couch watching same ol' SNL, i need to cock me down with my cockapoo. Speaking of the C.O.C.K, i was a witness to the balls incident with ruby and dave, there couldnt have been damage unless dave's newt is longer than a baseball bat, because ruby didnt even hit near where his snake should have been. But let him squirm. mwa haha. goodnight hedgehogs.
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| I've had sex once... it tastes like chicken! |
[23 Mar 2002|10:55am] |
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i feel poor.
I need a (more-than-one-day) job that pays me well, that isnt star market, CVS, or any other disgustinly rapid work places. My friend from Cali that just moved to NJ is inviting me to go with her to Miami, Florida, i wouldnt have to pay ANYTHING, because her friend has a private jet that holds 15 people and they have their own pilot, and beach house. Ick. I hate rich people. Or worse, rich people that flaunt about their own wealth or other ppl's wealth. pish.
Last night i went to go see E.T. cuz im not a dork. It gave me soo many memories of the youngn i was when i watched my own copy. There was many new parts, not all were bad either. Elliot and his brother's friends are HOT! The brother has buck tooth and looks like a pirot. E.T. used to scare the obesity out of me. I would imagine waking up in the middle of the night to have E.T. flat elongated head in my face. Sometimes Calli reminds me of him.
Things are starting to cool down a bit with everything, at least it feels that way. Tonight will be the big test at Sarah's since everybody is going to be there, including Kayla. Bah. Im going there earlier to help her set up lights and shizaa. I dont doubt that her party will be good, but im feeling some resistance to go. er. The gals are going out to breakfast, hopefully, me, meg, alex, nora, alexis, and sophie, but half of them are either alive or dead, so i think plans may change, but i still have to buy sarah's gift, and stop at the Highschool science fair for my x-tra 10 pts. Another looong and busy day that awaits me. ::yawn:: crikie.
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| Starting Over....BONG!!! |
[20 Mar 2002|06:11pm] |
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I dont know why im starting to write in this blasphemous journal, since people barely read it anymore and plus i dont like to read my entries when all there is is ranting and complaints. eh. These past few weeks have been wack: insane, stressful, crazy, and beyond dramatic. and i HATE using the word DRAMATIC!!!...From Rob, to Jay, to Kayla, to Amanda vs. Steve/Val/herself, Meaghan vs. Brent, to Sarah vs. Elena/OR dave, to Gab/Kev, and now Alex. Sometimes i can only take so much!~ My gad, i find myself in these fucked up situations that i get blamed for!!! screw you dense+thick-headed ppl out there*** psh posh. Finally things have calmed down, im not as confused and overly "adrenelined"... This past weekend was one of the better weekends. The crew at Diesals played some pool with us semi-parttime members. Me and John kicked some hot ass. 3-0!!! St. Patricks DAY, a crew of us plus my mom went to get our ears peirced. I had already gotten my left cartiledge peirced so i decided i would get two more one on the right cartiledge and one right below the one on my left. It hurt like a bitch w/ PMS cramps but i like em. I was informed of this little "unpure gathering' at Gab's on friday, when I was the one who asked if i could maybe go... but soon later i got the full impression that it was the four of them who created the idea much earlier and it was THEIR thing. It was still an option, but since some of us had already planned a "corruption" shindig that weekend and it wasnt going to work on SAt. we planned something for Sunday that day, since most ppl werent invited to Gab's. Im sick of hearing bullshit from other ppl about how mad ppl are at me. Lately, i dont care, those who are mad, come forward. I didnt think i did anything wrong by not coming to that party, esp., when i never said it was definite that i was coming. If Gab's thing never happened, those four were invited to my house. Instead, sunday was really fun, dave and jay met and actually bonded, and the whole Irish KICK CALLI dancing w/ meaghan was fucking hillarious. poor meaghan. I actually have been in good spirits lately. ALthough, right now im annoyed. I know alex u may be reading this... I do what i can to be a good friend to all. Just because people dont get phone calls from me or invites, etc., doesnt mean i love them any less. My life right now consists of many things to deal with and cope with, not all is fucking happily-go-lucky lovely shit either. Not everyone knows whats going on with me, most ppl dont unless i feel like they care so i tell them. When ppl say that i dont care about them, that hurts me lots! I try not to bud into other ppl's lives unless i seem invited. WIth some ppl it doesnt feel that way, especially with ppl who have become distant. If anyone understands commitment to boyfriends and such its me, since last year was a perfect example. SOme of my friends have boyfriends who they spend alot of time with, yet i dont get mad, i dont act as though they're pushing me away on purpose, i dont feel hurt by that.. but when i hear that i dont make any effort into making the friendship a close friendship than thats bullshit, because im usually always there unless something is horrendously bothering me that i have to deal with.. obviousely i dont want to get into other ppl's business esp., when those ppl dont usually tell me whats up until i fish it out of them. ANd i dont want to feel like the fucking FISHER!! I dont feel all that special anymore to some ppl. WIth alex i feel that all she wants to be close to mostly is aria, gab,sometimes amanda or maura, and justin, because some of us are unmanagable and we're arent as "cool" and we have too many problems...
When i get phone calls from ppl i rarely even hear from anymore its either, whats for homework or what's so and so's number. I hate talking on the phone, usually its either gossip or nonsense talk that is keeping me from going to sleep or doing other productive things. I dont have time to myself anymore, which makes me more tense and on crack than from the beginning. There is so much i can do anymore to try and attempt to be a really good friend. If u dont like the way i dont call back sometimes, or make plans, or fish out problems, then what do u value in me, and why arent u making the same attempt i should be making???
So much has changed since last year, my mind is in another place. Going out with Jay for the second time feels actually like the first. Things seem to be okay for now, however ppl supposively feel that i should be the one to patch up certain areas, because i supposively am the destroyer, who have done things intentially to screw things up. IM NOT PERFECT> NO WHERE NEAR IT. so fuck u all that somehow believe that maya can handle fixing everything and that maya likes to screw up friendships and such on purpose, becuase if i was a fucking genie obviously things would be better and i could wish to make myself a better friend to some ppl that i really care for the most and love to death. im ending here
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| We modeled our entire life on Morris Day and Jerome, I'm smoooooth pimp daddy and he's my black man servant. |
[27 Jan 2002|12:43pm] |
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All there is now is waiting.. till they come. Steve, Brent, and Amanda, the pack. My parents arent even here yet. ;P. eh. Yesterday twas entertaining. Me, Ruby, Chris, and Rob went to the Planetarium to see the laser show, Radiohead. Amazing. I could have stayed there the entire night... plus we were high. I just remember being hypnotized by these crazzy beams that were in all different shapes, sizes, pictures, etc. When we got out it was about 10:30. We had to be back at my house at 11. When we got into somerville we decided to stop in at the American Legion Elena shindig... cool right? nooo. When we got there i called alex, but her father said she was no longer home. ??? So we stayed there for a bit, and saw the gang. ok my paps is here. g2g go. explain later
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| I am the leader of the C.L.I.T. when you see the face think of the C.L.I.T! |
[26 Jan 2002|12:03pm] |
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I was looking wondering through others livejournals today, and i thought that it was about time for me to write, finally. These past few weeks have been crazily fucking hectic. From new boys, to midterms, to friends. Everything has its ups and downs. I feel like lately i have been spending alot of time with Rob, who isnt really my boyfriend yet. I am still on the edge of being single. By now, many of u must know how it feels like to have someone new in ur life be so close to u, and u want to spend as much time together, but u still always have ur very close friends in ur mind, which all of u are to me, and u want to work out so much time and balance both, but it's hard to do when hypnotized. Blah. anyways, today Rob is getting tickets for 311 and Hoobastank. very VERY excited. Alex u betsta be coming with me! MARCH 30 at the Palladium. Last night was very ick. The variety show could have been much more entertaining. Some i give kudos to tho, but the audience esp. the ignorant ppl behind us, were just ruining it for me, which at that point i had to leave. Tonight is Elena's shin-dig. Im thinking that ill make an appearance then leave. I know that if i stay there too long, i will shoot myself. Instead, im thinking some of us could go to a Laser show at the Planetarium in the Science Museum, then dine at Hard Rock Cafe. But who knows, since my plans usually screw up in the end. but we'll see.
AHHH.. mother's obsessive nature of having the house as clean as possible all the time is going to make me insane.
Applesause bitch! #@#%U#%
anyways. bah i need to do something with this hair of mine.
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| The ROOF the ROOF the ROOF Is on FIIIIIRE! |
[14 Jan 2002|05:36pm] |
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im holding a bucket full of SEXUAL FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!
These past few weeks have been craazy! Friday was the date thingy, and then saturday me, ABE, and amanda went to Dan's shindig. He has an amazing apartment. *in boston* so blah, that night i was basically left alone with the rest of the "wolf pack"... since and amanda and steve were having a good time in the other room in p-r-i-v-a-t-e... it's all good tho, amanda deserves that double hicky. So it was me and about 4 other guys in the other room, dan, sean, gerry, and louis, *tom and James left early*...it felt that dan was eyeing me the entire time there, as well as "attempting" to flirt. He told me online earlier that i arroused him. :P at around 10 rob calls steve on his cell and tells him he got out of work early and he isnt going to the party 4 a friend cuz he wants to see me. =p so us 3 left to meet him in the back at around 10:20.. we dropped off amanda and abe and so me and rob were left alone.. for once. He told me that we had two choices, to go to his house, or to go to his friend Chris's.. (in somerville).. i told him to just go to Chris's since i didnt have that much time. We got there and Rob smoked up. *i didnt*.. i didnt want to. I dont need to get high to be happy. but i have this feeling that rob does. That's something i've been thinking about... i dont think there has been one time where i have talked to Rob when he is not on anything. He sometimes even does hardcore shit. Its not cool. We kissed *for real* that night. But it wasnt intense, nor exactly satisfying. I swear i have some fucked up split personality. He dropped me home at 12:15. The next day *yesterday* was such an in-house day. Hw clean Hw clean. =p I came online after i talked to rob for a bit cuz Dan told me to get online at 10. So i get on and him, sean, steve (abe) and james all IM me. James is telling me to fuck rob go for sean, then steve is telling me the opposite, dan is telling me to come over his house this upcoming weekend so we can watch movies, wrestle, and play Candyland, and sean is wanting to know all this shit about me... sooo.. i have this predicament going on. I like Rob alot, but i want to do shit with Dan *plus there are some feelings involved*, then there is sean who is best friends with Dan, and James who is best friends with the two, and then there's ABE who is best friends with all four (rob, dan, sean, and james)... and all the rest besides ABE really knows Rob. SO bah. And then.... afterschool today, me and alexis were waiting to figure out how we were getting home. These two girls were sitting down on the steps in front. One of the girls calls me over and asks me if i knew these kids, Tom, Steve, and Dan. I told her yea. Then she asked me if i thought any of them were hot. and of course i told her the truth, i thought dan and tom are gorgeous.... so she said that tom is an asshole and all the rest are losers, as well as the story of her and tom, and how after her semi he dissappeared, and during that time they were "friends with benefits, close to going out"... and then she said that she almost hooked up with dan and that dan said the same thing with her about coming over to his house since his parents were away... and it happened to that grl Geena who she was w/ then. so now everything seems like a lie, i really dont know who to trust from the crowd honestly. I mean i really like them all, they all seem so funny as well as loserish, but i still enjoy their company. But eh. everything is so goddamn confusing, and on top of it all i want PLEASURE.. and this time not when im drunk!~***** heh. i have to confront some of them, and be like "YO< Y U BE PLAYIN ME LIKE THAT BITCH????"
lol. no
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| Satan is in my house. He killed my mom, and turned her into... a bull! |
[12 Jan 2002|03:02pm] |
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i just took a bath... i feel so fucking goood. mmm.. Last night was a good night, fo shure! A New Years Eve part II, only this time it was only me, amanda, <3 rob <3, and ABE. So yea, it all started when i started walking from my house at around 4, to go to where Rob was going to pick me up, at CVS. I went into the store to buy *poor* gum, and by the time i paid i had 10 minutes to wait, and i didnt want to wait outside in the rain. i stayed inside, and without intention it seemed like i was robbing the store cuz i was wwalking slowly up the isles while looking at the mirror, and when i looked at the cash register the lady working at the cash register was staring at me in the mirror, so i think i was acting too suspicious, so i decided to buy lip gloss. :) i went outside and he was there, RIGHT ON TIME. He picked me up in his car, a black *BEEAUTY* it was a race car but in brand new shape with a stereo system hooked up in his car, when i got in he was listening to some band that sung EXACTLY like Incubus, the band was called something like, Hoobia Skank. i dunno. We picked up amanda, rob and her met, and then we were off to Rob's. We picked him up amanda and him introduced themselves, and i figured that it was starting off really good. We drove to Good Times since Davis was too full. There we saw o'leary, nelson, slattery, cutter, and the rest of them.. no good.. they left us alone tho. :D We played pool. I was on Rob's team. WE WON!!! hahaHAH amanda. Amanda and Rob got the 8 ball in that damn hole 4 fucking times. Nice Luck :P. THen we played Air Hockey, and they beat us the first time, BUT THEY CHEATED! and we beat them the second, so i guess we tied. I guess my fly was down the whole time too, cuz amanda came up to me privately and told me that superman was flying low. SO yea that was great. We got into the car and Rob rolled the Mary-Jay-Wanna. WE went onto the highway just traveling around aimlessly because we were going to Freshpond to see How High at around 7:30 but it was only 6:30 when we got out of the parking lot. Eh. GooD Times reeally scares me. heh. dirty.. we went onto the highschool going through cambridge then to arlington smoking in his car. We got to the movie theater and we were already in our moon boots, floating.... ;) we found out inside that How High wasnt playing there, so instead we swa Orange County. When we got into the movie i was the first person leading the rat pack. I picked a row close up to the screen. I sat down so i would be at the end, but rob then took way, went past me and sat in the seat next to me so that i wouldnt be at the end.. Yes.. awww.. i didnt even have to pay ONCE that night. Shwwwing. During the movie me and Rob were laughing through it all and holding hands. Amanda and Abe werent doing anything at this point. The movie felt Sooooo short, but it was good. we got back into his car and *yay* while he was driving he took my hand and so it felt like me and him were a couple with two children in the back seat, amanda was falling asleep on ABE. At one point i turned around and asked abe if the sleeping girl was getting him excited, he laughed and then i called amanda Sleeping Beauty, and i saw this GIGANTIC smile on her face, i knew she was satisfied. We got to Davis and dropped off Abe at Dunkin Donuts to meet his friend, Brent. He was going to ask his dad if all of us could chill at the house for awhile. We took off for the time being, b4 we would trek back to Abe's. By this time i was still feeling good but not stoned entirely. Amanda, well she was just GONE. We were coming out of the FoodMaster parking lot, heading our way into the street cuz it was OUR RIGHT OF WAY, and some huge vans comes right from nowhere and we run into the big fucking momma. The lady stops the van in the middle of the street, and rob's isnt flipping out but he is pissed. He gets out telling me that everything will be fine. They talk she doesnt seem to be yelling at him. Then we move back into the parking lot, they exchange insurance info and shiat. Then we departed to go to ABE's. We got to steve's and Brent and his two bitches were with him. They were nice tho.. I sat next to Rob and he was holding me and blah. It was nice. Amanda came in and was just.... funny. Brent and his chicks left a little while after. The bed was free so i flew to it, rob followed. Comfy as always in his arms, we were chatting away. no smooches yet. He showed me his tattoos, one of his cancer sign, one of Goofy, and one of a Tiki man on his back. THat made my night, that tiki man. He told me that he thought of me last night during the Simpsons because there was a clown on it. *i told him my phobias* So now i have this bad image of him watching grusome horror movies with Dwarfs. Clowns, and sharks and he'll think of me, how sveet. So we kissed, NO TONGUE THO! hah! then i start cracking up because amanda is laughing to herself. WE look at them and ABE is ON TOP of amanda, they are getting it on! Wooo-hoo. She was riding the cowboy, i saw it myself!!!!!! heh. They kept there clothes on, but they were like animals. It was hillahrious... me and rob were just watching the simpsons, doing nothing dirty.. while these two Hornybugs were swallowing each other's face. Amanda did say that he had A HUUUUUGE mouth. and ROB kissed me on the forhead, and anyone who knows me must know that i will completely fall for guys who kiss my head. heh. He respected that me and amanda had to leave to go back home, it was about 12:15. he drove us back and we said goodbye and that was the end of the night with them! IT WAS AMAZING! Joy to the world. Now im just scared that this is not going to work out. I mean, now that my mission was complete to see Rob again and make up for the night that i didnt flirt back with him, now i dont know whats going to happen. ABE told me today that Rob said he liked me and that he definetly wants to see me again, i dont know if that means going to be a couple soon. Im not so sure if im even ready for a relationship. bah. and god damn im nervous to call him, i hate these moments. shugums. anyways, call me ppl. im up for seeing a movie at Davis, preferably Not ANother Teen Movie. caio
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| Fuck you lonliness!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[05 Jan 2002|01:34am] |
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XxJonHivDavisxX: i had my eyes on you waiting to see who u'd be fukkn
xoSassyd1va18xo: o screw u.
XxJonHivDavisxX: haha
xoSassyd1va18xo: how many ppl do u think i have fucked?
xoSassyd1va18xo: be truthful!
XxJonHivDavisxX: 12
XxJonHivDavisxX: 13
xoSassyd1va18xo: lol
XxJonHivDavisxX: 20?
xoSassyd1va18xo: oh my
I feel dirty, and ashamed. i dont need this. Overall, the things i do dont make me happy. I still have fucking virgin blood. No i have never done the nasty, made love, had sex, FUCKED!!!!!!!! BAH! My god. I feel like everything is a joke. Im so god damn lonely. Y cant a girl be unsatisfied with devoted loong-term relationships as well as meaningless hook-ups at the age of 16???? Am i really looked as as some dirty tramp who flashes her sluttiness everywhere she goes? jesus i hope not. I really believed Rob had feelings for me. Of course. Thats a Maya thought. But something always seems to go wrong when i think ill be happy. "oh he is too old for you, he likes someone else, he thinks ur a slut, he thinks u'll go too fast, he was just kidding when he said he liked u, he lied about having feelings, he just wants u for ur body".... FUCK IT.. and then i get a boy who is in love with me, and i get the relationship that leads to marriage, but NO maya doesnt want such a relationship, she still is young, she still wants to have fun and enjoy being single, but then Maya gets these distracting fucked up obsessions over boys she thinks she can get, but ends up being dirt. ahhh, there is no point in blabbing on and on about this. I cant deal..this is me and Abe's convo: (the beginnng part is missing: useless info)
xoSassyd1va18xo: i bet james told u about me "attraction" to rob, right?
Littlesmc825: yeah u want a hook up
xoSassyd1va18xo: i have no clue
xoSassyd1va18xo: im all confused
Littlesmc825: ill hook u up if u could find sum 1 to hook me up with or is that too hard
xoSassyd1va18xo: haha.. i probably could
xoSassyd1va18xo: wat are u looking for?
Littlesmc825: lol well why wouldnt u want to be hooked up with im now
Littlesmc825: i look more for personality theyve gotta be sweet and fun to be around they cant have atitude and be annoying im not to picky
Littlesmc825: what do u look for
xoSassyd1va18xo: during the party.. i had the feeling that he liked me or watever, i didnt know he was 19 then.. i of course felt that if i hooked up with him that night, he would look as me as a tramp and such, thats y i didnt make the first move, but i really did like him or had some fucked up feeling for him, and now i regret not talking more with him and such, so i think i've ruined my chances.. plus ppl say he likes me, but i dont know if thats true of course
Littlesmc825: lol
Littlesmc825: and hows sean come into the sitcuation
xoSassyd1va18xo: lol.. damnit, i didnt even expect sean to stick his alcohol soaked wet tongue into my mouth it was too fast, and that ruined it for me, not that sean is a cool kid and all
xoSassyd1va18xo: :P
Littlesmc825: lol so seans kiss was un wanted
xoSassyd1va18xo: i look for guys with great personalities and a good smile.. someone who will like me for who i am, some one funny, and at least semi-attractive, and of course fun to be with
xoSassyd1va18xo: lol.. kinda yea
xoSassyd1va18xo: but we're still cool and all
xoSassyd1va18xo: it didnt mean anything
Littlesmc825: awww thats too bad
xoSassyd1va18xo: lol... say wat???
Littlesmc825: i can hook u up with rob if thats who u want
Littlesmc825: its not that big of a deal
xoSassyd1va18xo: but does he want that?
xoSassyd1va18xo: does he hook up with all these random girls?
Littlesmc825: naww not at all
Littlesmc825: he said he talk to u
xoSassyd1va18xo: when did u talk to him?
Littlesmc825: 2night
Littlesmc825: lol
xoSassyd1va18xo: lol damn
Littlesmc825: around 8 30
xoSassyd1va18xo: y did james say he likes me?
Littlesmc825: keep in mind ive been in since like 6
Littlesmc825: james said u liked him and so i merley mentioned it to him he said try and set somthin up
xoSassyd1va18xo: rob said that?
Littlesmc825: yup
xoSassyd1va18xo: would this thing for him be something just to get ass from?
Littlesmc825: ok im gonna get off to go make some food then go sleep if u want to keep talkin call my cel
Littlesmc825: and nope hes not a guy just to get ass
Littlesmc825: hes lookin for the same thing i am
xoSassyd1va18xo: aight sveet.. so u dont mind helping me out?
Littlesmc825: not at all but can u help me out
xoSassyd1va18xo: ill be a pal and return the fave
xoSassyd1va18xo: of course
Littlesmc825: u see my last relashiship really sucked and i know its gonna be hard but if u could introduce me to sum 1 thatd be kool
xoSassyd1va18xo: of course, just we gotta keep in touch.. u want my number?
Littlesmc825: hmmmm of course
xoSassyd1va18xo: 617-776-3235
Littlesmc825: alright and u have mine
xoSassyd1va18xo: yup... ok so u go make urself some good food to eat and satisfy ur belly.. and ill be taking in all that u said. k?
Littlesmc825: and whats all that i said to take in
Littlesmc825: did i say too much
xoSassyd1va18xo: lol.. no, everything was useful
Littlesmc825: lol i try id be better on the phone but oh well
Littlesmc825: call me sum time
xoSassyd1va18xo: truthfully u really helped me out, because after the party i knew NOTHING about anything about Rob
xoSassyd1va18xo: i will.. ur awesome!!!!
Littlesmc825: thanks ur not so bad ur self
Littlesmc825: ;-)
xoSassyd1va18xo: aw shux :-)
xoSassyd1va18xo: *gnight steve* ~MWA caio~
Littlesmc825: whats mwa caio mean
Littlesmc825: ???
xoSassyd1va18xo: have u ever seen the movie, "cruel intentions"?
Littlesmc825: not for a while
Littlesmc825: i 4got it sorry
xoSassyd1va18xo: the MWA represents a blown kiss, and caio means goodbye..
xoSassyd1va18xo: lol one of my favs
Littlesmc825: lol i get a blow kiss good bye i feel special
Littlesmc825: :-) well then mwa maya sweet dreams and good nite
anyways. bah. boring old self mode again. it cracks me up how corny i seem when i read over these convos, but when im talking to myself or in this damn livejournal thing, there are some really fucked up things i say. o shit, it 1:33 AM, eh. i guess im gunna go. caio
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| Listen, I'm a good driver, I am. I learned from American television. |
[04 Jan 2002|11:46pm] |
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-Go. I just came home from Ruby's w. Alexis, Aria, and Ruby. We watched the movie Go and ate cookies and chicken dumplings. Mmmm yum. It was a good partay. They are all so amusing. At one point i saw Ruby take a pair of scissors and then i saw a chunk of hair fall to the floor. funfun Before this shindig i was at alexis's. We were on the computer for over 3 hours finding pics and info on Elijah Wood and his "pureness", as well as Legolas and other *young stars*. We came with a biography of Mr. WOOD and it stated that he smoke Clover Cigarettes. In my mind i was thinking 'wat the fuck are clover cigarettes'? I have never heard of the brand, neither did alexis...so we looked it up. 'seem resonable enough'? We found out that clover cigarettes are nicotin and tabocco free products and are made from rose petals, marshmellow leaves, and red clovers, and can be added with other flavors. Sooo.. overall elijah is PURE.. not a tramp! Shwing! This evening i talked james (findlay). I admited my attraction to his friend. he knew it was Rob cuz he chatted with Gab the night b4. (hrmph). He told me that he could give me his number. I told him that i felt too littl girl type to call him and be like.."excuse me, this is maya, the girl from the New Years Eve party that u were following around and had ur arm around almost the whole night"... eh. too weird. So i asked james if he would help me out. and he said YUP! so amen to that. Even though, i've thought about this over and over in my head. Rob is like a fantasy. I dont really KNOW him. i mean MY GAD maya he is 19 years old that goes to parties gets drunk and high and doesnt go to school. However, that doesnt mean anything... royt?
Anyways, James told me 3 minutes later that Rob likes me, but ABE (the crazy black dude that was the one whose parents came to pick him up.. he was cool though :P pshaa) .. anyways ABE said that he likes to go out with girls 17 and older. So i yelled.."BUT IM ALMOST 17",,, and then James replies that im 15. and then i said 16 bastard. So hah! And then James said that Abe will work on it, Till then there are parties i can attend and shiat like that. Sveeet.
Tuesday is my birthday. damn the monkey thats close. Im anxiously waiting until i see the needle slide through my upper belly button skin. Distorted image. icky, i can take it though. I just finished, "She's come Undone". It was an amazingly emotional and crazy fucked up book. but i liked it alot. oh yes. Now im going to start trying either Interview with the Vampire (AGAIN) or Harry Potter (the second book).. big whooop! This weekend i have tons of shit to do. BAH again. I hate work. anyhoo im tired and i need sleep. gnight yall!
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| She could be a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak |
[03 Jan 2002|08:26pm] |
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Yesterday i had an evil munchkin spitting acid at the linings in my stomach, today i feel like a really fat person sat on my chest last night and by the morning i was flattened out a bit. I went to Mr. Doc. and he told me it probably was asthma related. What a bunch of horse shit. I havent had an asthmetic problem since i was 2, and now its spontaniously re-eappered to give me rib problems.. i dun think so asshole! And then i bring up the jaw problem in which whenever i move my jaw left to right there is a clicking noise plus a pain that comes with it, then he says "well, maya, your jaw seems to be wanting to break away from ur skull (thinks he's funny)"... when he re-explained telling me that the thing that holds the jaw and skull together is probably lose, and that it is my decision to either cope with the pain or talk to a dentist to see if oral surgery is needed. PSHAA fuck u doc, i dont need u! BAH i dont want to go to school. Lately, i have been feeling a wave of sadness or some kind of hopelessness, that has killed my spirits, maybe thats because i am sick, or the fact that it seems some ppl around me that i am close with have been feeling very down lately, and i want to help but i have no answers. (there i go following the footsteps of my mother) Mrs. Doubtfire is on. One of my favs when i was younger. I used to watch the movie all the time until i brought it over to one of the kids i babysat for and never saw it again, since i left it there that one night. bastards. so i "borrowed" Guys and Dolls in eighth grade. "The Eighties Show on FOX"?????? the insanity, that's beyond stupidity. O brother. These days i have had more and more intensities inside of me building and at any moment i will lash out. Me and jonah had a fight yesterday because i wanted a bite of a cookie I BOUGHT, instead of asking he just grabbed it, my reaction was instant. I took a rice cake smeared with mustard and slapped it on his face. half the rice cake stayed glued to his face, the other peice fell to the ground leaving skid marks of mustard on his shirt. Am i going crazy? BAH. I need another vacation. The last one was too short. I wanna find Rob.. eh. Tuesday is my birthday. Its getting to me that it wont really be a big deal. big whoop. anyways im tired, i need my sleep to be awake tomorrow when i trek to alexis's and then sit in a desk 7 times during the day for 45 minutes. nighy night
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| A Night To Remember Forever...... JANUARY 1, 2002!*!*!*!*!*! |
[01 Jan 2002|04:51pm] |
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So here goes it...
Last night was one of the best experiences EVER! The sha-bang all started last night when i picked up Gab and brought her to a store on Highland to buy her addiction... then we drove to Davis Sq, where at 7 PM we would meet the one and only James Findlay. B4 all these plans were set, we were on edge about going.. new ppl, lots of alcohol and drugs, 3 motel rooms, in DANVERS... but we decided to go despite that shiat. We met them at Store 24... Findlay introduces us to these two kids Sean *fred-durst mini-me*, and this kid Tom who was H-H-H-H-oot. oo yeah. We got into Sean's car. We drove to Matignon where we were meeting some other guys. So far it was us two girls and bout 9 guys. Two other cars meet us there, and we are offf to Danvers. I had no idea where the fuck Danvers was but i didnt care anymore. Once we got to the motel we met two other girls that are juniors at the SHS... Marissa and Elena. Both were nice. :P We went into the room, and followed ppl into the bathroom where we all crowded around to see a bathtub full of alcohol: Shmiroffs, mike's hard lemonade and ice tea, White Russian, Fruit Juice & Rum, Jack Daniels,budweiser, Kalhuas, and some neon bright blue stuff. Music went on, bottle caps were all over the floor, ppl started going fucking nuts. A group of 5 left to smoke weed. They came back exclusively high. One of them was James. He is a funny shit when he is high. We were all talking, giggling, yada yada yada. It was almost 9 and i was buzzed. ppl were wanting to go out again and smoke so a bunch of us left and smoked in a tiny bathroom in one of the other rooms. In that half-hour--- to ---forty-five minutes in the bathroom we smoked two blunts. I was fucked up. This kid Chris did the coolest thing with smoke. He made it look like flames *when blowing out* and then he ate it up *when blowing in*.. maybe i was just amused and bewildered at the time since i was high, and my mind was working at a slower pace. Some kid ABE was fucking some grl in the other room. It was awesome. We went back into the other room where we originated from.. ppl were all over the ground and slouching on chairs, and some kids were sleeping with smiles on their faces. Two girls were there, they didnt seem to like us girls on the other side of the room. They were giving us dirty looks and shit but we didnt care, we were having a great time. I was eyeing some kid that was following me around the whole night. He was a cutie and rich. But he was nineteen. We didnt end up doing anything but i guess we might chill with James and some others later. The ppl there were nothing to what me and gab expected. One kid was "allergic" to alcohol *according to his mom, who came with the police later*.. 5..4..3..2..1...HAPPY NEW YEAR. Everyone was giving hugs and kisses on the cheeks and ppl were dancing....That kid sean *the one who drove us there* came up to me while i was standing there looking like a drunken giraffe's neck. Swinging from left to right. He came up to me kissed me on the cheek and then the other one and then all of a sudden his slimy, alcohol soaked tongue was in my mouth. I didn't expect it. It was wrong i pulled away.. and went outside with Gab and James so they could smoke. We went back inside and stayed in there for awhile. Tom was singing to some band called Journey, using his shmiroff bottle as his microphone. The other guys joined him. *very entertaining*. A while passed and james wasnt with us, so we decided to look for him, (rob, gab, and i) .. he was puking outside. Not good. When we piled into the room again we heard that this kid Brent *the one allergic to alcohol* and ABE's parents were coming to pick them up cuz the police traced their cells to Motel 8. We were all instructed to go to the other room, but first clean up the hundreds of alcohol bottles and cans on the floor. Instead of being good samaritans we decided just to go into the room. During this time i had to go pee, but everyone was occupying them. And one toilet was full of ashes and blunt peices, which was Eh. The police came knocking at the room beside, we had 15 ppl in the room beside it with the lights entirely off. Then we heard the knocking on our door, and Sean opened it cuz he didnt want the police busting in on the shindig. He told us all to get lost. Me and Gab had to no where to go. Everyone was piss drunk and the only way home was for those nonsober ppl to drive us home. We tried waking up James but he was so out of it, so the police arrested him and Tom, because he took the blame for everything. Me and Gab got into Sean's car cuz he said he would drive us home, or at least to a parking lot for us to sleep. It was some crazy shit. I didnt even get to say goodbye to the ppl who i got close with that night. damnit. So we were on the road with some guy we just met that night and drunk, as well as clueless to where the hell we were and how to get home cuz we lost the ppl who we were supposed to follow. As soon as we found the route back to home (in Melrose) he misses the exit, so he slows down and drives over a curb, over this whole grassy part between streets and we get onto the highway. What a relief.. until we heard a strange noise coming from his car. By now we were unbalanced on the road in the middle of nowhere at 2 AM with a FLAT tire. Half hour later, his friend Jerry who we also met that night, came and rescued us. An hour and a half later we got into Jerry's car and was driven home *to gabs*...Sean's car was left behind, he called the police asking permission for him to leave it there overnight. the police couldnt promise that it wouldnt be towed, but they said just to go for it. That ended our night, We got to Gab's at around 4. She told her mom that we were going to sleep over a friends but fely uncomfortable there because the older brother came home with friends and they were being weird with us, and we just wanted to leave. Louisa seemed exceptable of the story and ler us go to bed. As soon as a got onto the bed, i crashed.. now, in turn, with a smile on on face. WHat a good evenin. damn im hungry, im gunna make a salad now, sit down, and cry because the awful day of going back to school is coming. I guess overall this has been a good week, despite the procrastination, laziness, grandparents' losing hearing and sight abbilities. but hey its all good.
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